Catching up

             My new job is going good. It's a little crazy but what place isn't right? I can be myself there and that is a big plus because being someone I am not got me nowhere last time. I am finally catching up on my bills and hopefully by the end of the month things can be back to normal, as normal as can be for us. I been doing a lot of soul searching, trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is. I know I have to be more then just a wife and mother. I wish I could be one of those people who want something and don't stop until it's theirs. I wish I could set my mind to just one thing and get it accomplished. I know what I have to do but it's always put on the back burner and forgotten. 

         I don't have many friends and the ones I do have are all going threw illnesses. Every phone call and text is about how sick they are, what doctors they are going to see, what surgeries they need to have or what new prescription they were put on. I know it's harsh but when I talk to them I don't want to hear about how sick they are. My mother is very sick, and has so much going on with doctor appointments and being sick all the time. I don't really care to hear what my friends say because the only person I care about being sick is my mother. So when I call my friends to escape from the bad things going on in my life I am sucked into all there health problems and I can't get a word in. Who wants to hear about my bullshit problems when they are sick? 

        My mom tries to talk to me about her health problems and whats going on with her. I know she thinks that I am not listening to her. But while she is talking to me the only thing going threw my head is the thought of losing her, and I just can't handle that. If something happened to my mother I would never be the same. I would lose my fucking mind. I need her, as much as anyone needs someone I need her. Her love is unbelievable and unconditional. So the thought of not ever feeling that love again makes me crazy. I hope there are other kids in this world that have a mother like mine. But honestly I think she is one of a kind.

You never know who you will meet in a grocery store!

              I went to my local grocery store 2 nights ago to grab whatever I could with the 18 dollars I had. I did not want to get out of bed because I have had a throat and ear infection for over a week now. I hate having to go to the hospital and sit there for 4 hours just to get some antibiotics, so I am now waiting until Friday to go see my doctor. Anyway, I am walking down the aisle not knowing what to buy with my 18 dollars to feed my family and I bump into a old customer who I have own since I was 16 when I worked at a bagel shop. Ah the bagel shop the only job I kept for years in my whole life. We get talking and catching up and he tells me he opened a new pizza place in town. Lets just say I start Saturday. It made me feel so good that this man remembered how good a worker I was and took my number and called me next day to tell me when I could start working for him. Good thing I got my sickly ass out of bed and went to get some food, you never know who you will bump into at the grocery store.

            Now this is a job I know. Working phones taking orders making money. I believe this is it for me for awhile. But then again I always have high hopes. I do know that whatever happens I am not going anywhere. I will not let my family down again. I believe things do happen for a reason, somehow it always seems that way, but I do believe we are reasonable for our own actions. This time around I will be me and not someone I am not. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Unemployed and a Yard Sale.

      I have been unemployed again now for two weeks, hint the again. Whenever this problem pops up in my life it's like a pattern. I cry for a few days, I am depressed for a few weeks and then I hit the web filling out every application I can. Out of nowhere something always comes along. But that's just it, I think my luck with always finding a job is running out. I hate sitting at home, as much as my husband thinks I love it, I fucking hate it. I love being with my family and taking care of them, but this mommy needs her breaks. Even when I hold a job I still do all the house work and take care of my son and husband as I would unemployed.

     My husband on the other hand has always held a job. We have been together 9 years and he has only been on unemployment once. He goes to work to work, he's quiet and does his job and has never had any problems. I tried my best to be just like him at my last job which means I changed my whole attitude to be someone I am not. I thought being myself was always getting me into trouble so I might as well try something else. So I did and I still got fucked. I don't know if it's bad luck or just me, myself and I. The guilt of letting my family down once again kills me. It's not there fault we have to struggle again and watch every single penny we have. I am just very unhappy with myself, and I will feel that way until I am working again.

    Me and my girlfriend had a yard sale at my house over the weekend since we are moving to a new cheaper duplex across the street. I woke up early around 7 am and yes that is very early for me since I sleep till at least 10 everyday. I got dressed, made coffee, and opened my garage with money on my mind. My very awesome next door neighbor knew about some of the problems we were having and gave me tons of her stuff to sell to make some extra money. We set up the whole driveway and garage with all of our stuff, my girlfriend even brought some of her own things over so we had plenty of things to get rid of. Nine O'clock passed, 10 o'clock passed and finally our first customer arrived and left with nothing. By now I was very discouraged. I knew it was all done hill from there and I was right. From 8:30 am till 3 pm we had seven people stop by and all together I made $26. With that I am doing it all over again this Thursday, Friday and Saturday. All I can do is make a ton of more signs and hope for the best.

Dear, Son...

    Dear, Son.

            Mommy would like you to know just how much I love you. I love you, in the morning when your staring right threw my soul. I love you, when I take you to school and you are holding on to my legs for dear life. I love you, when your screaming, yelling, and making me crazy. I love you, when you want all my attention. I love you, when your scared and tell me you need my love. I love you, because you are me, you are the very best part of me. And I love you, because without you I would be lost. I will always be there for you. I will always protect you, and I will always love you no matter what. 

Breaking Dawn part 2 first trailer!!

Who fucking HATES there landlord??

          I do! Now the big question is to stay or go across the street to a smaller but cute duplex. My landlords husband and wife are starting with the none stop calls and now threats of going down to the court house. Which isn't exactly my cup of tea. I don't respond well to threats. Yes, I take full blame for being so far behind on my rent but there is a classy way of handling things and these people have fucking none. Good news is I have already got the ball bouncing on the cute duplex across the street and I am getting a awesome fucking moving in deal because one of my good friends lives right next door and is also the property manager at Remax, yes thank fucking god. So now I have to deal with the constant calls or say fuck you mother fuckers I am leaving so save the gas to go all the way down to the court house. I know I will be saving a ton of money moving since I only need to transfer my bills and move my shit across the road. My husband said and I quote ''whatever you want'' so now what to do catch up on my rent here or move to something cheaper and still right down the block  from my mom or stay and hate these fucks that own this duplex. I have to make a decision soon because I feel time and excuses running out. I don't mind everything else, I just hate to fucking pack.

Whats Up? This is my blog.

I am not sure where to start here. I am not even sure if this is my thing yet, but I am going to give it a try. This might be long, it might be short but here it goes.

At this time in my life I am a 25 year old girl trying to live in this brutal world. I live in a place that I hate more then anything and wish to move somewhere new in the very near future. I have a beautiful family, My husband I have been together since I was 16 and we have been married for 5 years now. We have been threw the good the bad and the very ugly but have managed to stay in love threw it all. He is my back bone and keeps me going. We have a very special love for each other. My beautiful son was born in 2006 and he has changed my life in so many ways. I have never been a party girl, I have been home every night with my son since he was born, except when I had to work. I wouldn't have it any other way, a mother should be there to tuck there kids in at night and wake up to see there faces first thing in the morning. I also have a dog his name is Wilson and he is a chihuahua. Yes, he is a dog but he has brought much happiness to my family's life. My son and Wilson are the babies and always will be. I have had a very hard time keeping jobs the last few years. I have been myself at work and I have faked being myself to see if that would work best and it seems I still find a way to get fired or quit. I have very bad luck and I harp on all the reasons why theses things have to happen to me. Because it doesn't happen once in a blue moon, it happens every fucking time. I am not a people person, so I need to get out of the restaurant business and get my ass back to school to get my GED. I know what I have to do but I have little faith in myself. My family has faith in me and I thank them so much for that. They give me hope. I think that's good for now. If anyone does read this, maybe you have some things in common with me. It would be nice to talk to someone who knows how I feel. Thanks for reading, have a fab day.